april 28.. well, *sigh* nothing really happened.. just the same old things.. ^_~v

just a message for somebody who thinks he's gonna fool me::

don't think that i'll fall for that lame trick again.. yes, i admit.. i did fall for that BEFORE.. but that was BEFORE!! so stop nagging me about those kinds of things.. sure, i know you love her!! and i know that you know that I DON'T CARE!! so please.. just stop shoving it into my face.. don't deny it.. i'm not stupid.. i'm saying this 'coz i'm tired of hearing your never-ending "happiness" chapters of your life-thingy.. oh and one more thing, if you get hurt, don't come crying into my arms 'coz i'll just laugh at your crying face!! i won't tend your wounds if you get hurt.. damn you!! just for the record, i'm already OVER you!!

and that's finished..

oh by the way, my "FEVER".. miss you so much!! mwuahugzotyt.. ^_^

>.<;; byerz!!

Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occurs to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whether they may be, like would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road of nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If some hurts you, betrays you, or breaks you r heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn to trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment and take these moments. In everything that possible can for you may never be able to explain it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sighs high. Hold your head up because you have every right to do so. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in your self, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//

50 FirsTs

1. 1st time you tried smoking:
~// 4th grade.. ^_~v

2. 1st alcoholic drink you had:
~// hmm.. i'm still very young.. but.. there's coke mixed with my beer.. >.<;; [what did you expect.. i think i was just 5!!]

3. 1st time you entered a bar:
~// uhhh.. i think i was 13..??

4. 1st award you received:
~// uhh.. can't remember anymore.. but.. i know that it was at kindergarten..

5. 1st hero:
~// superman..^^

6. 1st time you were sent to the principal for disciplinary actions:
~// grade 2.. ^_~v can you believe it.. i was just 8 years old.. T_T

7. 1st time you failed in school:
~// never..

8. 1st college entrance exam you took:
~// i'm just 14.. O_o;;

9. 1st teacher in college:
~// uhh.. i told you.. i'm just 14.. T_T

10. 1st job: after school:
~// i'm still studying, dumbass..

11. 1st crush in college:
~// in college, NONE.. but i do have one in high school..^^

12. 1st person na binigyan mo ng flowers:
~// my mom.. ^_^

13. 1st date:
~// haha!! kenny..

14. 1st friend:
~// uhmm.. this i don't know..

15. 1st kiss:
~// uhh.. FK?? my first BF.. ^_^

16. 1st movie you watched with a friend:
~// di ko na maalala.. dati pa un!! >.<;;

17. 1st fight with a friend:
~// kiri..?? hmm..

18. 1st gift you received from a friend:
~// can't remember.. do you really expect me to do??

19. 1st gift you gave to a friend:
~// uhhh.. i dunno!!

20. 1st record you bought:
~// i really don't know..

21. 1st song you sang infront of many people:
~// uhmm.. reflection?? ^_~v

22. 1st musical instrument you learned to play:
~// flute..^^

23. 1st concert you watched:
~// waaa.. metropop?? O_o;; i dunno.. maybe..

24. 1st celebrity you saw in person:
~// i really don't know.. >.<;;

25. 1st TV show you really liked:
~// haha!! still can't remember..

26. 1st book you bought:
~// poldy.. haha!! 

28. 1st sport you played:
~// basketball..

29. 1st sleepover:
~// uhmm.. uhmm.. grade 3..??

30. 1st terrible fight:
~// kiri.. as well.. haha!!

31. 1st prank:
~// that phone call prank at 4th grade.. O_o;;

32. 1st inaanak:
~// uhmm.. none?? haha!!

33. 1st debut party you attended:
~// my sister's..^^

34. 1st time you spent the night alone:
~// *sigh* i think.. grade 4..??

35. 1st bestfriend:
~// i think it's desilee..

36. 1st wedding you attended:
~// my tita's.. i think..

37. 1st person who greeted you on your last birthday:
~// uhmm.. my father..^^

38. 1st friend in friendster:
~// waaa.. can't remember..!!

39. 1st time you got lost:
~// i think.. grade 3.. ^_~v

40. 1st cellphone:
~// N8210.. 3rd grade..^^

41. 1st cellphone ringtone:
~// i dunno..

42. 1st collection:
~// uhmm.. stickers.. >.<;;

43. 1st time you felt proud of yourself:
~// i can't remember.. ^_~v

44. 1st time you saw a ghost:
~// uhmm.. 3rd grade.. i think.. O_o;;

45. 1st rollercoaster ride:
~// haha!! grade 5..

46. 1st school you attended:
~// JASMS..

47. 1st friend you had when you entered entered work:
~// i'm not working..

48. 1st ambition:
~// to be a doctor..

49. 1st LOVE:
~// wahaha!! my imaginary friend.. ^_~v can you believe it..?! his name's brian.. hahaha!!

50. First heart-wrenching heartbreak:
~// [that guy!!!!] bwahaha!! you know who it is.. ^_~v

well.. abi and jep's relationship went into a downfall.. O_o;; can you believe it?? and i thought their relationship was sppolproof.. well, actually, it wasn't about any third party.. it was about the TIME.. T_T anyways, they're ok now..^^

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that
when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen,
which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of
suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced
cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during
that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It
stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's
more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special
sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases
endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and
leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The
sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called
pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10
TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing
encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level
of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can
release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a
natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Note: This refers to legal sex only (hehehe..as if!)

^_~v

It might not be the right time
I might not be the right one
But there's something about us I want to say
Cause there's something between us anyway
I might not be the right one
It might not be the right time
But there's something about us I've got to do
Some kind of secret I will share with you
I need you more than anything in my life
I want you more than anything in my life
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life
I love you more than anyone in my life

yes, that's right.. i felt that way BEFORE.. before i finally realized that i was just wasting my time.. but still, i don't know why i feel this way.. it feels like as if i wanna be held by him AGAIN.. but.. i KNOW that i don't love him anymore!! is it just me, or am i feeling a thing called loneliness??

loneliness?? why in the hell would i feel that..?! maybe because i do feel lonely.. from everyone.. from everything.. that's right.. i remember now.. at that time in my life, when i thought that nobody was there, when nobody cared, when my world began to sink, he held my hand, he helped me up and hugged me 'till i felt safe.. he was there.. and he was the one who made me feel loved.. maybe that's why i think of him right now.. 'coz, i feel exactly like the way i felt at that time.. he was the only one who never left my side.. [well, at that time, at least..]

but he was still the reason why i felt like dying.. he was the reason why i cried for so many days of my life.. but.. i can't blame for it, can't i..?? why?? well, it's also my fault.. for falling for him so deeply.. for loving him more than anything in this miserable world.. for giving him everything, when i knew that nothing would be given back.. i was a fool.. to believe in such lies.. lies that may only come true in my dreams.. and dreams that can never be real..

i want to be remembered as the girl
who always smiles even when her heart is broken.
and the one that could always brighten up your day
even if she couldn't brighten up her own.

sure, i was happy when my mom came back.. but right now, i don't even know if she cares if i'm here or not.. it makes me wanna scream at her.. tell her how i feel.. dammit.. i wanted to say something to her.. *sigh* it feels like she's so far away.. i couldn't take it anymore.. so, i just closed my mouth shut..

oh well, that's how it is..

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cryAs I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for meThen I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever beBut all I can do is try
TryAll of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

bye-bye!!^^

well, at 'bout.. 2pm.. i was reading some doujins and listening to some music.. let's say.. i just remembered some things.. it wasn't really about HIM at first.. but my thoughts drifted after thinking 'bout it..

well, actually, it all started when "kuya" wendel asked me a simple question.. but still complicated for me to answer..

"do you like your father or your mother more??"

it was something i wouldn't expect him to ask me.. well, of course, i loved them both and answered, "no one.. i love both of them equally.."

then.. i thought of something.. it seems like i'm NOT special to them.. well, they attend my sister's events and stuffs.. they also attend my brother's events.. but NOT mine.. T_T

then my thoughts drifted to HIM.. how?? well.. i was listening to some music, as i thought 'bout stuffs about my parents loving me blah-blah-blah.. then, i noticed that the song that was playing was "JEEPNEY" by spongecola.. hmm.. thoughts whirled inside my head.. and memories came back.. i couldn't stop my tears.. and it just kept on going.. they fell.. and i couldn't STOP them.. i didn't know the reason why.. i just felt like crying.. but i was smiling at the same time..

my mom called on me at 5pm.. she said that we should get going to my sister's concert.. yeah, yeah.. it was always about my sister.. since she came back, all her mouth mutters are about my sister.. damn it all.. i was jealous.. i know that.. i KNOW..

we arrived there at 6:15pm.. it was too early.. T_T but she still said that we should get there earlier because of my sister's stockings.. it pisses me off.. why does she care so much for her?! yet she doesn't care that much for me?? i was going to explode.. but i still kept my cool.. i didn't want them [ate bheng's with us] to find out what i was feeling..

the concert began.. the first part was so funny.. 'coz a cockroach flew across the stage and into the audiences.. but the rest was fine.. well, there were still many funny scenes.. but it was fine.. ^_^

then they sang the song "BROKEN VOW".. and as i heard the lyrics, images began to flood in my head.. i was seeing.. memories.. sad memories.. they were vivid scenes that i wished would never come back to me again.. but it did.. and it hurt.. i was seeing HIM again.. why?! damn it.. i cried.. again.. as the song continued.. i covered my face.. and tried to relax.. why was i feeling like that at that time??

but one thing's certain.. i didn't cry 'coz i love him.. i think.. i cried 'coz i was so stupid to fall for him..

20 TRUTHS

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.

2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.

3. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home every day.

4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still.God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.

6. Do the math. Count your blessings.

7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.

9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

10. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

11. The most important things in your home are the people.

12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.

17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it, otherwise it's just hearsay.

18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle -- it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

It's a peaceful world seen even in my dreams. Yet, I don't know how I should live in it. The flow of time and the color of the sky... The care taken not to wish for anything.. The reason why I love you with your tear-stained, smiling face. I'll continue to protect your melodies, your philosophies, your words. Everything.. Just the reality of your existence to life is happiness..

wahahaha! at 2:30pm, my mom arrived from Sri Lanka.. ^_^ weeeeee.. i'm so happy 'coz she's here again..

i missed her so much!! hahaha.. ^_^

anyways, here's how my name looks like in Japanese.. ahihihi..^^

黒田 Kuroda (black field) 歩 Ayumi (walk, deeper meaning: walk your own way).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!

byerz!!^^

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to
himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

10 Golden Rules

1. You should not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.

2. You should not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.

3. You should not cross bridges before one comes to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.

4. You should face each problem as it comes. One can only handle one at a time anyway.

5. You should not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.

6. You should not borrow other people's problems. They can better care for them than you can.

7. You should not try to relive yesterday for good or ill, it is forever gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life and be happy now!

8. You should be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own. It is hard to learn something new when you are talking, and some people do know more than you do.

9. You should not become "bogged down" by frustration, for 90% of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive action.

10. You should count thy blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

Finally, give thanks to the Lord, from whom all blessings come.